Surrender

We have entered another difficult phase with Mason. He's been having an increase in difficult behaviours. Now remember, he is at a 2 - 3 year old age developmentally, but he is a big strong 9 year old boy. So that comes with some typical tantrums and boundary pushing. yet, with Mason, they accelerate to violent explosions instantly. That involves kicking, screaming, punching, biting and throwing furniture, including coffee tables, chairs and lamps. (The lamps actually still work! but we can't get the shades straight anymore.) He is also not sleeping most nights. It really escalated this past weekend and so I had a total meltdown on Monday. I talked to our social workers, a friend who has a child with a severe chronic condition as well, and our nurse at Children's hospital (she said it had been a long time since I cried on her). Mason seems to do much better when he is with other people though! That's something to be thankful for.

I can't say that we have figured out what's going on, but the nurse said they see this kind of thing happen a lot when the seizures come down. The seizures themselves act as a sedative, so now that Mason has less of them, he is more aware and alert, therefore wanting his own way a lot more. We see that in his increased comprehension and attempts at sentences. He is also on the lowest amount of medication he's been on.

So we are going to be trying out a new medication tonight. An anti-psychotic called Risperidone. It's a little bit scary. Although Mason has been on I don't know... fifteen different medications? This is a totally different category. He also has a tendency to paradoxical reactions to medications. One example is when we gave him Valium years ago to stop a seizure. I was told he would be very sleepy. He actually became so hyper that I couldn't even touch him for hours. The Risperidone is supposed to make him sleepy as well. It also has the potential to increase seizures, which I can easily live with right now. What it's supposed to do is settle him down and reduce his impulsiveness, as well as get him to sleep at night.

The other night he was awake a lot of the night. I slept in his bed with my arm across his chest and my leg across his legs to keep him down. I would doze off, and each time I woke, his eyes were open. I don't know if he was having seizures but most likely he was, as he does every night. I recalled how I used to hold Mason night after night in the rocking chair, seizure after seizure, singing "Jesus, All for Jesus" by Robin Mark. "All I am and have and ever hope to be". "All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans, I surrender these into Your hands". Many nights I couldn't even get past the first word of the song - "Jesus".

With that same song I now continue. "Jesus, all for Jesus". Once again we must surrender to Him our ambitions, hopes and plans. Jesus doesn't waste anything. :)